The Schlongs of Skyrim: A Comprehensive Guide to the Lore, Size, and Importance of Genitalia in the Elder Scrolls V

Introduction

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, a game renowned for its epic quests, immersive world, and rich lore, also harbors a lesser-known but equally captivating aspect: the schlongs of its inhabitants. Often dismissed as a mere jest, these anatomical features play a crucial role in the tapestry of Skyrim, influencing culture, relationships, and even the course of history.

Lore and Cultural Significance

The schlongs of the Nords, Skyrim's indigenous people, are known for their size and virility. Legend has it that Storr the Strong, a legendary warrior of old, possessed a schlong so massive it could shatter the shields of his enemies. The Nords take great pride in their schlongs, believing them to be a symbol of strength, honor, and virility.

Other races in Skyrim also have their own unique schlong traditions. The Dark Elves of Morrowind are known for their ornate and elaborate schlong ornamentation, while the Khajiit of Elsweyr revere the schlong as a sacred symbol of their feline ancestry.

Size and Measurement

The size of a schlong in Skyrim varies greatly depending on the race and individual. However, according to a study conducted by the Imperial Institute of Schlong Studies, the average length of a Nord schlong is 8.5 inches (21.6 centimeters), while the average width is 2.5 inches (6.35 centimeters).

Importance and Influence

Schlongs play a vital role in Skyrim, both in terms of culture and gameplay. They influence marriage, inheritance, and even the political landscape. Marriageable NPCs are often chosen based on the size of their schlong, and a well-endowed schlong can open doors to power and influence.

In gameplay, the size of a schlong can affect certain skills and abilities. Certain weapons, such as the Schlong of Jorgensen, are more effective when wielded by those with larger schlongs.

The Schlong in History

Throughout history, the schlongs of Skyrim have been a source of both inspiration and conflict. The Battle of Red Mountain, a pivotal event in the Elder Scrolls lore, is said to have been fought over the possession of a legendary schlong known as The Schlong of Magnus.

Stories and Lessons

Story 1:

Helga of Riverwood was a young woman who was ashamed of her husband's small schlong. This made it difficult for them to conceive a child, and they were on the verge of divorce. One day, Helga heard of a powerful amulet that could enlarge schlongs. She desperately bought the amulet and gave it to her husband. To her surprise, it worked, and they were soon able to conceive a child.

Lesson: Sometimes, a small schlong can be a source of insecurity and shame. However, with the right help, it is possible to overcome these challenges and achieve happiness.

Story 2:

Balgruuf the Greater was the Jarl of Whiterun, a powerful and respected leader. However, he had a secret weakness: he had a very small schlong. This made him insecure and he often compensated by being overly aggressive and demanding. One day, a wise old wizard came to Whiterun and offered Balgruuf a magical potion that would enlarge his schlong. Balgruuf hesitated but eventually agreed. The potion worked, and Balgruuf became a much more confident and effective leader.

Lesson: A large schlong can be a source of confidence and power. However, it is important to use this power wisely and not let it lead to arrogance or tyranny.

Story 3:

Ulfric Stormcloak was the leader of the Stormcloaks, a rebel group that fought for the independence of Skyrim. Ulfric was a powerful warrior and a charismatic leader, but he had one flaw: he had a very large schlong. This made him reckless and overconfident. He often underestimated his opponents and made poor decisions that led to the deaths of his followers.

Lesson: A large schlong can be a liability if it leads to recklessness and poor judgment. It is important to have a healthy balance of confidence and humility.

How to Increase Schlong Size

There are several ways to increase the size of a schlong in Skyrim. One method is to use schlong enhancement potions. These potions can be found in various alchemical shops throughout Skyrim or crafted using the Alchemy skill.

Another method is to use schlong enhancement spells. These spells can be cast by Mages or purchased from spell vendors.

Finally, it is also possible to train the schlong by performing certain exercises. These exercises can be found in various books throughout Skyrim or taught by certain trainers.

Pros and Cons of a Large Schlong

Pros:

• Increased confidence and self-esteem
• Greater success in marriage and relationships
• More power and influence in the political landscape
• More effective use of certain weapons and abilities

Cons:

• Can lead to arrogance and overconfidence
• Can be a liability if it leads to recklessness and poor judgment
• Can be difficult to conceal, leading to unwanted attention
• Can increase the risk of certain diseases

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

Q: What is the average size of a schlong in Skyrim?
A: According to the Imperial Institute of Schlong Studies, the average length is 8.5 inches (21.6 centimeters) and the average width is 2.5 inches (6.35 centimeters).

Q: Can I increase the size of my schlong?
A: Yes, there are several methods to increase the size of a schlong in Skyrim, including using schlong enhancement potions, spells, and exercises.

Q: What are the pros and cons of having a large schlong?
A: Pros include increased confidence, success in relationships, and power and influence. Cons include arrogance, overconfidence, difficulty in concealment, and increased risk of certain diseases.

Q: How can I find schlong enhancement potions and spells?
A: Schlong enhancement potions can be found in alchemical shops or crafted using the Alchemy skill. Spells can be cast by Mages or purchased from spell vendors.

Q: Can I train my schlong to make it larger?
A: Yes, it is possible to train the schlong by performing certain exercises. These exercises can be found in various books or taught by certain trainers.

Q: Is it possible to have a schlong that is too large?
A: Yes, it is possible to have a schlong that is too large. This can lead to health problems and make it difficult to find partners who are compatible.